Nicole Begins Her Journey

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Published on Monday, 18 June 2012 00:10

Written by Nicole

From the time I was 17, my worst fear was ending up like my mother. Don’t get me wrong- my mother is a great person- but after watching her suffer from mental illness, and suffering through it with her, I could only hope that I would not follow in her footsteps.

I went through some minor depressions in college, which I attributed to other factors in my life. But when I sunk into a debilitating depression at 25, one in which I felt worthless and found no enjoyment in life whatsoever, I had to come to terms with the fact that I needed help.

I went through the worst few months of my life waiting for the medications to start regulating my brain chemistry. Even though I knew my symptoms matched my mother’s, I was still inclined to blame my state of mind on myself and my “shortcomings.”

Death seemed like the only escape, but thinking of my parents was what kept me from every attempting anything.

After a couple of months, I did start to feel like myself again. I still go through ups and downs, but I am much more self-aware, and know when I need to have my medications adjusted.

While the depression is painful, I fear the mania more because I do things that I feel embarrassed about later, and bad decisions, such as spending exorbitant amounts of money or damaging relationships, may haunt me for years.

 I am writing this blog because I want something good to come out of my experiences. I hope that I can raise some awareness and offer support to others struggling with mental illness, whether it is within themselves and/or within their families.

There is hope. My mother has not had any major ups and downs in eight years and is genuinely happy. I work two jobs, pursue hobbies, travel, maintain an active social life, and have no doubt that I will accomplish all that I have set out to achieve.

Nicole Barbour
June Blogger in Residency

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