Published on Wednesday, 06 June 2012 16:44
Written by GiniB.
I got up this morning. I placed a note on the front door. I locked the doorknob, the deadbolt and even the chain. I locked the back door. I drew all the blinds. I settled in with my son and carried on with my day.
Flash back to the day before yesterday when my phone rang. I've been trying extra hard to answer the numbers i don't recognise because there are lawyer's and doctor's calls I need to get and calling back is a pain in the ass. So I answer to this young girl whose name was either Tiffany or Stephanie, she was talking so freakin' fast I didn't even catch it clearly. She gave the familiar spiel about how a friend of mine (who she named) had given my name and thought I might be interested in viewing her product. My gut reaction was to say no but the wishy-washy wimp felt bad and scheduled and appointment to 'help her out with her training.' Whatever.
I texted my friend jokingly:"Ok, what have you signed me up for this time?"
She replied:"Holy Crap! It's knives, just say no!"
My initial thoughts were healthy. I literally had $4.00 in my pocket, couldn't but anything. I own a gorgeous full set of kitchen and steak knives with a lifetime warranty, don't need anything. What could it hurt?
By the next morning, my wonderful imagination was running full tilt. This girl was going to be bringing KNIVES into my home. I was going to be alone with my little baby boy. The neighbors would be at work. What if she got mad that I wasted her time? What if she was REALLY pushy? Maybe I should just get my husbands competition pistol out and keep it nearby...not loaded or anything, just for show?
That thought clicked. She was NOT coming in my home. Whether I was being rational or not, I was clearly not going to be able to handle it. I had her number in my caller ID, I would just have to call and cancel.
Have I mentioned I suck at strangers and phone calls? The whole damn day went by and I couldn't gather the huevos to place a phone call. I ended up giving the number to my husband just before he turned off the light and asking him to call her in the morning. Bless him, he did. Unfortunately, he ended up leaving a message so I had no confirmation she got it.
Ok, so we're up to note on the door, locks and blinds. The appointment was for 3:00pm. I didn't get the mail, I didn't peek through the blinds, I didn't open the door. I was lieterally mortified and holed up in my own home afraid of some unfortunate young girl peddling knives. The thing is, although I know rationally the likelihood of anything happening was slim, I still can't process how much I was overreacting.
3:00 came. At 3:05 a noisy car pulled up. My storm door opened, there was a pause and it closed. The car started up and left. I'm not sure but I think I held my breath the whole time.
I didn't unlock or open anything yet. My mother called about an hour later, she was going to stop by. I opened up for her, duh. After that I played business (or non-business) as usual and relaxed.
I have had several medical professionals on several occasions tell me straight out that I'm not crazy. I am a rational person. My brain just reacts irrationally to stressful situations. I am overwhelmed by those irrational feelings especially when alone.
It makes me feel stupid and childish. It takes a lot of internal pep talking to convince myself I'm not. Sometimes I even have to bring in back up.
If these feelings sound familiar to you, don't let them get you too far down. Get help. Talk to a friend or family. Recognizing the problem goes a long way toward managing it.